Friday, August 7, 2009

The Bumbling Genius For President 2012

I was planning the announcement of my bid for president of the United States of America at a later date, but the existence of my organization, PEANUT (People Engaged Against Nationalized Utopian Tyranny) has been cracked open by the ever vigilant news media and alert politicians like Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. PEANUT is a community organization that has been growing under ground for some time. It doesn't consider itself a grassroots movement however, preferring instead to think of itself as simply a "roots" movement. Because of the allergic like reaction to our recent activity surrounding the now notorious town hall meetings held by ultra left-wing politicians, a veritable army of lawyers and journalist have been unleashed to dig up more information on PEANUT. Needless to say, astute politicians and the President are increasingly on to the fact that this clandestine organization is spreading itself across the land; thinner in some parts than others; but spreading just the same.

As head of this community organization, I feel that I am qualified to be your next president. Although I did not go to Yale or Harvard, experience has been, I feel, a most devoted teacher. And if cost is any indication of a good education, the tuition I've paid for having experience as my teacher has made the cost of an Ivy League education look like... well like peanuts.

In contrast, while the current President was getting his experience to be president by soaking rich environmentalist nuts-who's survived fall from a California hardwood was considered their greatest accomplishment-and tax payers for money, I was quietly and slowly growing PEANUT underground and out of sight. This was accomplished through the hard work of training and sending out people, called Planters, to spread the word about PEANUT. You can imagine my surprise when I learned that my community organizing activities had actually qualified me to be president of the United States; and had actually even trumped real executive level administrative experience like that of a state governor. So as a result of this new reality, we here at PEANUT are now hatching our plans for my campaign. This brings me to my next point.

In honor of my own love of self deprecating humor, PEANUT has scheduled several roasts featuring me, your next president, as fundraisers across the land. So come ready to laugh and shell out dough. These events are scheduled from Georgia to Washington; Carver Massachusetts, to the parched deserts of Arizona. So there's sure to be one coming to a town near you. The proceeds for these events will go toward my own campaign, as well as several gubernatorial campaigns with PEANUT supported candidates. There are, of course, other candidates that we will be rooting for as well.

As more details of my candidacy develop, be assured that we'll be getting those to all concerned in a Jiffy. Otherwise please help me get the word out and thank you for your time and support.

For more info and Utube clips on PEANUTs operations, see Joe's Politico.


Kristi said...

Can I be your campaign manager?!

Mary Lee said...

Rats Kristi!! I was going to say that. Danny, you have my vote. OK I want to be a part of your presidency. You can appoint me to the Supreme Court!! Or maybe I could just drive the Limo. I know, how about Press Secretary!

Susan said...

Me,, too. I want to be what ever part you want me to play. I always knew I was a nut!!
YEAH for peanuts.

Kathy said...

If BG runs and wins I suspect I'll find myself in the most gigantic white kitchen (it is white, right?...white house) making Pecan Pies, I just know it. After all, Candidate BG is a big fan of Pecan Pies! GuberNUTorial candidate....that one kept me up last night laughing. : )

Anonymous said...

I think Goober should be your VP.

Just do me a favor and leave Jimmy Carter out of your Cabinet.

Dan said...

Excellent Puns my friend, where were you when I was writing this?

Bryan said...

Nuts, will probably have to Skippy those fundraiser events. Maybe next time. :0)

Dan said...

Kristi, Sure but be aware that I have a somewhat brittle personality.

Mary Lee, you can be my spelling czar.

Susan, the nuttier the better!

Kathy, We're off!

Dan said...

Sorry to hear that Bryan, be sure to keep a lid on the operation.

Joe said...

Woah! See, I'm a charter member os S.W.I.N.E. (Seniors Wildly Indignant about Nearly Everything), but I have yet to go down under to join PEANUT.

Can I get a lifetime membership? It shouldn't take too long, especially since I turned myself in to President BO's Snitch Website.

How much do I need to shell out?

Is it all its cracked up to be?

Is the organization filled with salty slogans?

Do we have to worry about being asSALTED?

Are PEANUTs complimentary?

Is there a danger of PEANUT members being buttered up?

Can we look out from the PEANUT gallery?

I think membership in PEANUT might be in the bag (2 for $1.00)

Was Charles Shultz a member?

Are we allowed to come out of our shell?

This isn't just a shell game, is it?

Have I done enough damage?

The next time I'm up for president it will be on the slogan, "If nominated I will not run, if elected I will not serve."

Kathy said...


You shouldn't have turned yourself in. They took your blog down.

Joe said...

Kathy: Hmmm. I was just there, and so was it. Maybe they disabled your link.

Jon said...

You've got my vote!

Dan said...


Sorry to take so long to get back. Your comments were very punny; perhaps we should cloberate on something sometime. I could have definitely used some of your nutty wit.

El Cerdo Ignatius said...

Dadgummit! If only I could vote...

Hmm - I once heard that you can do just about anything by mail. Maybe I can vote for you after all.

Dan said...


Don't worry about a thing. We at PEANUT got our start in the voter registration business and have some of the most creative, all somewhat legal of course, voter registration techniques known to the voter registration organization.

Kathy said...

I suspected that my recent election as dog-catcher happened a little too easily. Wow, thanks for the help! : )

Nancy said...

Dog catcher hmmm...I've run as chichi catcher for some time now...while I just can't seem to keep up, my name keeps appearing on the ballot! The chichi's only get caught when they "elect" to do so...

Dan said...

I just had to add this comment that I received on Facebook:

I think to really SPREAD the effectiveness of the campaign you need to combine PEANUT (People Engaged Against Nationalized Utopian Tyranny) with BUTTER (Because Utopian Tyrants Try Eradicating Rationality)

Kathy said...

Cute follow-up BG, but you didn't give the time of day to our candidate running for chichi catcher. What about her? How'd her name get on the ballot??? Just another creative twist, huh? Seems like neither dog-catcher nor chi-chi catcher would be needed in a true utopian society. (I'm done now!)