I was planning the announcement of my bid for president of the United States of America at a later date, but the existence of my organization, PEANUT (People Engaged Against Nationalized Utopian Tyranny) has been cracked open by the ever vigilant news media and alert politicians like Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. PEANUT is a community organization that has been growing under ground for some time. It doesn't consider itself a grassroots movement however, preferring instead to think of itself as simply a "roots" movement. Because of the allergic like reaction to our recent activity surrounding the now notorious town hall meetings held by ultra left-wing politicians, a veritable army of lawyers and journalist have been unleashed to dig up more information on PEANUT. Needless to say, astute politicians and the President are increasingly on to the fact that this clandestine organization is spreading itself across the land; thinner in some parts than others; but spreading just the same.
As head of this community organization, I feel that I am qualified to be your next president. Although I did not go to Yale or Harvard, experience has been, I feel, a most devoted teacher. And if cost is any indication of a good education, the tuition I've paid for having experience as my teacher has made the cost of an Ivy League education look like... well like peanuts.
In contrast, while the current President was getting his experience to be president by soaking rich environmentalist nuts-who's survived fall from a California hardwood was considered their greatest accomplishment-and tax payers for money, I was quietly and slowly growing PEANUT underground and out of sight. This was accomplished through the hard work of training and sending out people, called Planters, to spread the word about PEANUT. You can imagine my surprise when I learned that my community organizing activities had actually qualified me to be president of the United States; and had actually even trumped real executive level administrative experience like that of a state governor. So as a result of this new reality, we here at PEANUT are now hatching our plans for my campaign. This brings me to my next point.
In honor of my own love of self deprecating humor, PEANUT has scheduled several roasts featuring me, your next president, as fundraisers across the land. So come ready to laugh and shell out dough. These events are scheduled from Georgia to Washington; Carver Massachusetts, to the parched deserts of Arizona. So there's sure to be one coming to a town near you. The proceeds for these events will go toward my own campaign, as well as several gubernatorial campaigns with PEANUT supported candidates. There are, of course, other candidates that we will be rooting for as well.
As more details of my candidacy develop, be assured that we'll be getting those to all concerned in a Jiffy. Otherwise please help me get the word out and thank you for your time and support.
For more info and Utube clips on PEANUTs operations, see Joe's Politico.
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